


Alchemy Flavors

by JoelleThePoe



Series: Synesthete Ed [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alchemy has flavors and textures, Alphonse doesn't, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And impossible colors, Ed has a crush on Roy's Alchemy first, Ed has it, Ed's tweaking of arrays is to make them taste better, I'll add them if there are, It changes Alchemy for Edward, Living with Synesthesia, M/M, Mature because FMA gets graphic, Not sure I know how to do one of those, Rating May Change, Synesthesia, There might be more pairings later on, probably a slow burn?, what even are tags?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoelleThePoe/pseuds/JoelleThePoe
Summary: Edward Elric has something that no one else he knows has. He's had it for as long as he can remember. It's something that not even Alphonse, his little brother, has. He's never had the words to explain it to someone else. For a long time, he didn't even know what it was, until he found a book in a library that finally gave him the right word for it.Edward Elric has Synesthesia. Edward Elric, the alchemy genius, is a synesthete, and it affects his alchemy in ways he'd never realized. But now, maybe he has the words to tell everyone else.
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Series: Synesthete Ed [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610509
Comments: 37
Kudos: 211





	1. Color Me Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, its characters, or its concepts. It belongs solely to those who wrote it and produced the anime. This is purely a work of muse and joy for me.
> 
> So, I've been working on this idea for a while. Ever since I wrote New Favorite Alchemy, I've been toying with a tweaking of Fullmetal Alchemist to run along the lines of Edward having Synesthesia. I've been thinking about how it would have changed things, and how it would feel for Edward to struggle with something he thinks everyone should be able to tell, and being frustrated when they can't.
> 
> There will be some small cannon differences, since I'm merging both anime series, and the manga. Ed's Synesthesia makes a difference as well.
> 
> This is an exploration of that concept. Any errors you find are mine, and do not belong to anyone else. I have no beta.

Edward Elric sat at his desk, the same one he'd always sat at. Al was on his right, and Winry on his left, and they were in the back of the class. He stared at his teacher in mute horror. They were supposed to color a picture. That wasn't what horrified him. They were supposed to pick their favorite colors. That wasn't what horrified him either. There weren't many colors that he didn't like, except the ones that tasted bad. No, what he was horrified over was much, much more difficult. Ed was pretty sure that he was about to get lectured again, and he knew why.

None of Ed's favorite colors were in his crayon box, and they never would be. He hadn't yet met someone who could re-create the honey-heat-velvet that was his favorite shade of yellow. Or the crisp-apple-bitter-blue either. In fact, everyone he'd ever tried to tell about these colors had told him that they didn't exist. Couldn't possibly exist, because no one but Edward could see them. But he knew they were real. The colors were real the same way that his shoes were real, and other people were real. Not that his teacher would accept that. She just kept telling him that he couldn't make pictures with imaginary colors and to pick some of the real ones.

He watched warily as his teacher came back toward them, handing out the sheets of paper that she insisted were white, but he knew were sugar-rough-orange instead. They were just so pale, so he supposed he couldn't blame her for thinking they were white. Especially since he knew that she couldn't see the real colors, like he could. He took his sheet of paper, biting his tongue so that he wouldn't tell her again that it wasn't white. He'd gotten sent to the corner for telling her that it wasn't white after the third time, and didn't want to be in time out again. He looked up at her, hoping that she wouldn't stop at him. Maybe, just maybe, she'd let him be to complain in his own head that the colors weren't right. His hopes fell when he saw that she had not stopped.

"Now, Edward, you're to use the real colors of the crayons in your box, understand? None of your make-believe colors. You can't make a picture with imaginary colors." She admonished him. Ed wanted to yell at her. Of course you couldn't make pictures with imaginary colors! He knew that. He just wished she would accept that his colors were real. As real as hers, and not something he was making up. He nodded, but his upset must have shown on his face, because the teacher gave him a stern look before moving on to Al.

Sometimes, Ed resented Al for the way their teacher seemed to favor him. But it never lasted long, because everyone favored Al. Al was sweet, and brilliant, and never yelled at anyone. He was a lot like Mom, and Ed thought that was probably a good thing. He thought that he, himself, was a lot more like their no-good father who ran off and left them and Mom alone. And Ed didn't like to think he was like his father. Because he didn't like his father, even if he did like the flavors of his Alchemy. Ed wished the school would teach them more about Alchemy too, but they had to color pictures, and learn math he could do in his sleep, and other things that he already knew.

Ed made a face, and started to pick the colors that were the closest to his favorites. He knew that it made his pictures look funny, different from everyone else's, but he had to pick the ones that were the closest. The teacher had told him to use his favorites, and she got mad at him if he just picked randomly. So he'd stopped doing that, even though she seemed disappointed when he picked the close colors and didn't answer whether they were his favorites. He figured he'd have to pick one color, and just consistently say it, eventually, but he didn't want to. Not yet. Maybe when he was older, and more confident that she wouldn't see through his lie.

He drew a picture of Al, and Winry, and himself, and Mom, and Granny. Sure, the colors weren't exactly right, but they never had enough of the right colors for him to make it right anyway. Maybe drawing something normal, like his family, would make the teacher like him better. She usually didn't like it when he handed in alchemy circles. She said he should draw normal things. So he decided to try it her way today. A little bit of her way, and a little bit of his way, and maybe she would start leaving him alone more. Maybe he could sometimes turn in alchemy circles. He knew that his circles wouldn't actually do anything, because he didn't know Alchemy yet. But he thought it was fun to draw them, even if they didn't do anything.

He wished his teacher didn't look so afraid when he did, though. He wondered if maybe someone had used Alchemy and scared her, sometime. But he didn't know, and he wasn't the person who might have scared her, so she should stop being afraid of him! At least Al always knew why he was drawing circles. Al wanted to learn, too. Winry cared more about the machine engineering books that she snuck in and read instead of the books the teacher put on their desks. The teacher didn't watch her as closely, so she could get away with it. Ed was starting to think maybe he should try sneaking in Alchemy books, though. He didn't think he and Al would ever learn it here, where the teacher was still trying to teach them spelling and basic math and not even chemicals or anything.

He sighed, and finished his picture. This was, luckily, the last thing that they had to do at school today. So he could go home, and maybe try to read the Alchemy books again, and maybe Mom would let them study the books this time. He hoped so. He was so bored at school. When he was done with his picture, he turned it in. His teacher still didn't look pleased about the colors he'd picked, but she seemed happier that it was about his family. So he figured that was okay. Yeah, he wasn't the greatest artist in the world. But Alchemy circles weren't art, they were science. Science was so much more important. 

Ed waited impatiently for the class to be dismissed for the day, then ran out of the room with his things quickly. Winry and Al followed close behind. He didn't feel like talking, though, and hurried home. He wanted to think about things. Like the colors only he could see, and why they didn't study Alchemy in school, and why his teacher seemed to dislike him the most. And maybe he was imagining it, but he didn't think so. His teacher was always singling him out and telling him to stop imagining things that didn't exist. Like he was Al's younger brother, instead of being the older brother. Ed didn't like that much, but it was just his teacher, so he figured he wouldn't worry too much about it yet. If she kept it up next year, though, he would definitely not be so patient. Because really, he was the older brother. He was more responsible, and she should see that. Even if she didn't see the real colors.

Mom would just tell him that he was special, and that's why he saw the extra colors. Ed wasn't sure he wanted to be that special, but there didn't seem to be anything to be done about changing it. So he guessed that maybe he should stop telling people about the real colors he saw, if they were only going to call them imaginary. He hugged Mom when he got home, listening to her talk about what they would have for dinner that night, and waiting patiently for his turn to speak. He knew Mom liked it better when he waited his turn. It was polite. He could be polite, for Mom.

"Mom... Can I please read Dad's books? Please?" Ed looked up at her, doing is best not to use puppy dog eyes. He wanted her to say yes because he hadn't begged. He really, really hoped she'd say yes. Especially since he'd called the old man 'dad' instead of 'old man.' He knew she didn't like that, so he tried not to do it around her. He couldn't help but feel betrayed, though, and he didn't really know what he would do if his father came back. Probably try to hit him. That wouldn't be nice, and would make Mom sad, so he thought he'd try not to for her.

Trisha Elric sighed softly as her son looked up at her, his eyes pleading. She knew how hard it was for him, though she too was someone who couldn't see what he had. Her mother had been that way, though, so she understood growing up with it. When she was young, she had wished that she could see all the wonderful colors that her mother had seen. When she'd grown older, she'd learned how hard it had made her mother's life, especially when no one believed in her. She didn't want that for her son, and so she always believed him about the colors and their tastes and textures. She loved that he had her mother's vision, and always encouraged him to tell her about what he saw, even if no one else believed him. Maybe... having something he could share with someone would help. She knew Al wanted to read the books too, and so she finally gave in.

"Alright. But you have to share with Alphonse. You know he wants to read those books too."

Ed cheered and hugged her tighter, running to get his brother. Mom had said yes! She said yes! He was too excited to speak, and instead had to stop in front of Al and bounce for a moment before he could tell him. 

"Al! Al, Mom said we can read Dad's Alchemy books!" His gold eyes shone with joy. Al's amber eyes lit up as well, and he gave a happy squeal.

"YESS! Let's go!" Ed's face broke into a grin as Al practically dragged him back inside. Finally, something someone could agree with him on. He just knew that Alchemy would be great! He couldn't wait to learn it with Al.


	2. That Tastes Purple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small jump forward into Edward's life. He and Al have been studying Alchemy, and excelling at it. Ed gets into an argument with Al about how the Alchemy has different colors. Al says he can't see a difference, but Ed knows there is one. Al starts to believe him, because Ed changing the 'colors' of his Alchemy produces different results from Al doing it the way they're meant to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I still don't own these people. I'd definitely make a lot more money if I did. I'd probably still write fanfiction, though.
> 
> I'm a little overwhelmed. So many kudos within the infancy of this fic's life! Thank you so much. Y'all make a Poe cry happy tears. I probably would have kept going, even without, but it feels good to know that people do like what I've written.
> 
> There will probably be a few time-skips through childhood, as we don't have a ton of information on Ed and Al's childhood until they went to train with Izumi. There will be several small jumps up to that point. I'm debating on whether or not Izumi has Synesthesia too... I haven't quite decided yet.

Ed blinked a bit, looking over the book he'd been consulting. Yeah, he knew that this circle would work, and do what it was meant to. But the color tasted funny, and he thought it would be better if he could just change the color it was. Maybe closer to crisp-apple-bitter-blue than the normal sugar-sweet-sticky-blue? He thought he might be able to manage that, though he was pretty sure that it wouldn't end up precisely the color he wanted it to be. He started to draw variations of the circle, something which drove Al nuts. Al told him he shouldn't mess with formulas a lot. Especially if he didn't know it was going to work. But he did know it was going to work. He wasn't changing what the circle did, just making it better.

Ed knew Al was watching. He tinkered anyway. Al always ended up forgiving him, so he didn't feel as bad about arguing over it. Most of the time even Al had to admit that the changes he made did make the circles work better. Ed didn't know why or how he knew how to change the circles. He just knew that he could. It was a gift. Like he was born to do Alchemy. He loved it, and was constantly sneaking books into class now. He still did his homework from the teacher, that never took long. But Alchemy was just so much more interesting and he was always trying to learn more and absorb more.

Al was sneaking the books in, too, and they usually ended up discussing theories off in the corner. Their teacher had tried to get them to rejoin the classes. She had even tried to get them to share what they were learning at home. The other kids didn't get it, and Ed could tell that even the teacher wasn't understanding. That was alright, then, though. The intro books did say that not everyone would be able to understand, or even perform, Alchemy. Ed just figured that the rest of the class were maybe some of those people. That made him sad. Winry tried to understand, but she was still more interested in automail and doctor stuff.

That was okay. Sometimes the stuff about automail and how it worked was interesting, and Ed figured more doctors couldn't hurt. Winry had grown even more interested since her parents had gone off to the Ishvalan war front. Ed didn't like war. War sounded mean. He wished everyone would just stop arguing and get along, but he didn't see how that would happen. It also meant Winry's parents weren't here, and that meant Winry was sad. Ed didn't like that Winry was sad sometimes. But he thought that maybe they could make her a present for her birthday, and that would cheer her up!

That reminded him that he needed to pay attention to the changes he was making to this circle. He looked down, blinking a bit. He wasn't sure what the circle would do now. He'd been doodling without thinking about it, and now he had one that looked really fancy, but probably didn't do anything. Just like the circles he'd drawn and given to the school teacher. He set it aside and started over on modifying the circle he was working with. A small frown crossed over Ed's face when he saw Al pick up the circle he'd put aside out of the corner of his eye.

Al was a little baffled. He'd never seen a circle like the one his brother had finished drawing. He was pretty sure it would work, if he could just understand more of the science. He wasn't as brilliant as his older brother, he knew, but he was smart and determined and could learn if he stuck to it. He was starting to wonder if Ed would ever give up talking about imaginary colors, though. In the back of his head, he thought there might be something to it. He just wasn't sure yet. What he did know was that Ed's circles did the same thing his own did, but faster and usually sturdier. Al's Alchemy looked nicer, but Ed's was faster and stronger. He wasn't sure it had anything to do with color though. He'd never seen any of the colors Ed seemed to think should be there.

"Hey, big brother..." Al's voice was soft, but Ed paused to look up at him. He would always listen to what Al had to say, even if he didn't always agree with it. Al sometimes had better ideas than Ed, anyway, and he thought maybe that Al was more methodical and therefore better at Alchemy than Ed would ever be. And maybe a lot of other things. Ed wasn't entirely sure, but it didn't make him mad. Al was like Mom, anyway. And Mom always made sure to do things the right way and make sure it would work. And she practiced over and over and over, and that made her the best at the things she did. Ed thought that was a pretty good way to be, it just didn't work for him.

"Yeah, Al?" Ed smiled a bit, because Al looked like he wanted to ask an important question. That meant they might argue, but it also meant that they'd both learn something new. Ed was pretty sure it was about the circle. He wasn't sure if he wanted to try the circle, because it sort of tasted milky-sour-purple and he thought that would be the color of the light that the transmutation made. He didn't really want to taste that, so he didn't really want to try it. He didn't even know if it would work, anyway.

"What's this?" Al tilted his head, trying to understand. There was something about this circle that almost felt dangerous to him.

"Oh... Um. I wasn't paying attention, and was thinking about the war and stuff, and I doodled that. I'm pretty sure it doesn't actually do anything, though... And I don't want to try it, because it tastes kind of purple." Ed offered. It was the best he could do. He'd stopped trying to be specific about what colors tasted like. That only made things worse, he'd found.

Al made a face. Ed was talking about tasting colors again, and that always baffled Al. How did someone taste color? How would that even work? What did a color taste like? Sometimes Al thought he'd never understand his older brother. He tried not to say so, though, because Mom had told him that he should try to believe his older brother. He did his best, really, but it was hard. Ed didn't make it easy, though Al thought maybe it wasn't easy for Ed either. Maybe it was something that frustrated Ed just as much as it frustrated everyone else.

"How can you not know what it does if you made it, Ed?" Al was exasperated. Tasting purple, and making an Alchemy circle and then not being able to even say why or what the circle did. This was one of those moments where Al was sure Ed might be making it up to tease him. He knew Ed didn't mean to, but it still made Al upset when he did it anyway. Though he was starting to believe that maybe Ed wasn't really trying to tease him. Even if he had laughed all those times.

"I don't know, Al! I wasn't paying attention to it! And I don't want to try it, because it tastes purple and purple tastes bad, okay!" Ed huffed. Al was about to yell at him about imaginary colors again. But Ed knew they were real. And Mom told him they were real. She'd told him, just last week, that her mother had seen the colors like Ed did. So Ed knew he couldn't be the only person in the world to ever see these colors, and that meant they were real!

"I don't even know what that means, Ed!" Al huffed softly. "What does that mean, that it tastes purple? I don't understand." He tried not to yell, but trying to get Ed to tell him was the worst thing ever. He just wanted to understand, so he could get the other kids to stop being mean and making fun of Ed. Why didn't Ed understand that Al wanted to help him?

Ed took a deep, steadying breath. Or at least, he tried to. He tried very, very hard to do so. He even tried to let it out without yelling at Al. He didn't know how to explain that the circle tasted purple. He couldn't! All he knew was that it tasted purple! Specifically, milky-sour-purple, but that wouldn't help explain things to Al either. He wanted to stay calm, like Mom said he should. Instead, Ed yelled, because he was frustrated too.

"I don't know Al! I don't know how to make you understand! All I know is that it tastes purple, because to me it does!" Ed furiously brushed tears from his eyes. He hated when he yelled at Al. He knew his little brother was only trying to understand and help. He knew, though Mom had thought she'd been secret about it, that Al had been asked to try to understand or accept Ed's oddity. Ed hated that Al had to try to do that for him. Ed was the older brother, it was his job to take care of Al not the other way around.

Al startled a bit. He hadn't expected Ed to yell at him that way. His eyes watered, but he didn't yell back. It didn't take him very long to realize that Ed _was_ just as frustrated as Al. Maybe even more so. He felt a little bad, then, and wiped his own tears away. He needed to say sorry to Ed, and maybe this time listen to his explanation and just accept it. Maybe that's what Mom had meant when she told him that he needed to try to believe his brother. He sniffled softly.  
  
"M'sorry, Ed. I didn't mean to make you mad. C-could you explain it again, and this time I'll try to understand better?" Al scrubbed the tears from his face again. He wished he could stop crying, but Ed crying always made him cry, and then Ed would cry more because Al was crying. He didn't like that cycle.  
  
Ed blinked a bit, surprised by Al's sudden apology. He stared at his little brother, processing what had been said. Al wanted him to explain again? He really, really did? Ed almost couldn't believe it. He knew Al didn't like to lie, though, so he thought maybe he could give it another try. Maybe Al could understand, at least a little bit. He didn't know why he saw and tasted things the way he did. He just did it. Maybe Al could help him look for an answer.  
  
"M-mom said... I'm like our grandma. She said that I see things the same way. U-um... When I see a color, I also taste it, and feel it. It's weird, and I don't know why it happens. P-purples don't taste good. They taste like milk." Ed wrinkled his nose a bit at the thought, his tears fading. "I don't like pinks a lot either." He didn't know what else to say. He'd said it before, but no one else really had listened. Except Mom, but moms were supposed to listen to their kids.  
  
Al thought hard about it for a long moment. He hadn't thought about how strange it would be. He wasn't sure he could stand to see, feel, and taste colors. That sounded pretty weird to him, but he figured it must be normal for Ed. He scrubbed his own face free of tears one last time as he looked up at his brother, meeting his eyes.  
  
"Okay. I'm sorry. I'll try not to make things purple or pink any more. I don't want you to taste bad things." Al gave a watery smile. He would help his brother, and make sure no one ever made fun of him for this again. They'd figure out what to say to make people leave them both alone together.  
  
"Thanks..." Ed smiled back, his heart feeling like it was flying. Al believed him! Maybe he didn't understand, but he believed. "Let's finish this circle for Winry, and then maybe we can look for a book that talks about why I see things the way I do."  
  
Al nodded, determined to help his brother. They were brothers. It was just them, and their mother, and they had to stick together. And if Ed needed help to figure out why he was different and special, then Al would help him find it. And if it made Alchemy better, then Al would just learn Ed's circles, and together they'd be the best Alchemists ever.


	3. Tasting Textures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Al's mother is dead, and they are devastated. Edward has decided that maybe those milk-tasting, awful textured purples would be worth the risk to get her back. He and Al are doing their best to study it, alone in their home without either parent.
> 
> Ed and Al decide not to talk about Ed's oddity until they have the words they need for it. Now that Trisha is gone, they have no adults in their corner that can go to bat for them if they say the wrong thing. Their search for the name of why Ed is different becomes secondary to the search for a way to get their mother back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Seriously, still don't FMA or related, and I never will. I don't own any research into Synesthesia except my own experiences having it, either.
> 
> Another time skip. This one happens in the time between the boys losing Trisha and being taken on as apprentices by Izumi. Although we all know that she really adopted them, and she thinks of them as her own boys. More time passing, but I think there won't be too many more of these. These boys are trying to run away from the main plot and make this a much more drastic AU on me! Stubborn Elrics.
> 
> Thank you, everyone, for your support! All the kudos and comments are just so amazing and heartwarming. It gives me the courage and joy to keep pushing forward with this project.

Edward hated them. He hated them all. All those adults, pretending to care. All those adults, and their simpering. _Oh poor Edward and Alphonse. Someone should write their father... where did that man get to?_ It made him sick. He didn't want Hoenheim to come back. He didn't need Hoenheim to come back. Not that he would have, anyway. He'd never cared, or at least, not that Ed could remember. What good would he do now? Besides, if no one knew where he was, how would they even write him a letter and make him come home?  
  
He held Al close, and tolerated all the adults. Winry and Granny didn't try to play the sympathy card. They were just there. That's how he knew they meant it. He could trust them. They would be the ones that he and Al would rely on, until they could do enough Alchemy to fix things. He wouldn't tell them - couldn't tell them - what he was planning to study now. Just thinking of it turned his stomach, but he thought having to taste milk for weeks on end just might be worth the results.  
  
Ed had made all the flowers. As many as he could. Mom loved flowers, and he wanted to give her something she loved one last time. Even though he was pretty sure she'd never really see it. And he knew what they were going to study, but he also knew - deep in his heart, where he kept all his secrets - that it wouldn't do them any good. Studying it would make him feel better, though. Maybe, just maybe, he'd find the way that no one else did. Him and Al. They were smarter than everyone else. Maybe even smarter than stupid Hoenheim.  
  
And even if he didn't find the way, maybe they could study enough to make sure that nothing like what happened to Mom would happen to any other family again. Ed thought that maybe he could be happy with that. Maybe... Maybe he'd study more medical alchemy. It seemed like a good thing, to make things that helped people. He did his best to comfort Al, not sure what he was going to say to his little brother about what they were going to do. But he would figure it out, he was sure.

It took a while, since Al was crying, before Ed could make himself take them home. He wanted to cry, too, but he was all Al had left. Ed couldn't afford to cry. He had to be strong for Al. He hugged his little brother tightly once his tears were drying. "We'll be okay, Al. We'll study medical alchemy, and maybe we'll find a way to... bring her back. I know the books say it can't be done, but..." He hugged Al tighter for a moment.  
  
Al nodded, clinging to Ed. They had to know. Ed was right, and Al knew it. They had to look into it, even if they didn't find a way. He knew that knowing more about medical alchemy might mean that they could save someone else who got sick like Mom had. He also knew that, if they thought they'd found a real way, he and Ed were going to try to bring her back. He couldn't even really be mad, even though he should. Al knew that Ed was going to study it, even if he disagreed. If he helped, they'd make fewer mistakes.

"But... what about finding out..." Al remembered belatedly. They were researching Ed's thing! The one that made his colors different from everyone else. They couldn't just abandon that, could they? It was important - surely as important as studying medical alchemy? But he felt Ed shaking his head a bit.  
  
"No, Al. We'll keep looking, but this is bigger. We have to know if we could've helped her. I'm sure we'll find it, someday, but... this is so much bigger. I know how to keep quiet about it, now. Don't worry." Ed didn't want Al to worry. He wouldn't let anyone pick on either of them, ever again. Not if he could help it. So he'd just be quiet about his little quirk, and they'd study the important things. Maybe he'd find someone else, someday, who was like him and then he'd have someone to talk about it with. He'd worry about things then.  
  
Things didn't go precisely back to normal. Ed didn't think things would ever be normal again. But they went back to school, and he and Al stuck to their studies and brought the normal Alchemy books to school. They even started to get praise from their teacher, whenever they fixed things. Fixing things made them both feel good, but it made Ed feel especially good. He loved it when he could do something good for someone, even if they didn't always understand how or why.  
  
And at home, when they weren't eating dinner with Granny Pinako and Winry, they studied human transmutations. Neither of them really thought it would do them any good, but they thought that maybe they could figure it out. Unfortunately, they quickly discovered that they didn't really know enough to understand the circles or equations. Though Ed did start looking into chemistry, since that seemed to be a key component of it. It was pretty complicated, though, and for a little while he got lost in having to learn it.  
  
Ed did teach it to Al, when he understood parts of it, but there were several explosions and accidents along the way when he got it wrong. The teachers at school weren't going to teach them, though, and he didn't think that they'd be able to get a tutor to come. Not with what little money they had. They had to save it, so that they could eat... and pay bills. And wasn't it hilarious, that two kids were paying bills and the town just let them? Ed worried about the day that the money would run out.  
  
He and Al worked together, though. And if Granny suspected, she never said anything. Ed had talked about homunculi before, so she must know he was looking at it again. Especially with Mom dead. But she never said a word, and just kept taking care of them. If he hadn't loved her before, he would've come to love her for that. Even with all the arguments over which of them was smaller. He didn't really mind, because he knew it meant she loved them.  
  
Al was quieter, and more determined. He noticed the toll it took on Ed to be strong for them both, and wanted to help his brother. And if looking into human transmutation was going to help, then that's what they'd do. He hoped that they didn't solve it, though. He didn't like the way Ed's face warped whenever he looked at the transmutation circles. He was beginning to suspect there was something extra about them that Ed wasn't telling him, that had to do with his colors.  
  
It still took Al months to ask Ed about it, and even then he wasn't very confident. But he had to know, and if he never asked, then Ed would never tell him. And then he would never, ever be able to help. So he took a deep breath and forged ahead.  
  
"Brother... what's with the circles? You keep making a face..." Al blushed faintly when Ed looked up at him suddenly. He was pretty sure his asking was rude, but Ed had stopped talking about his colors with even Al. They had decided it would be better, unless something came up. Because the fewer people that knew, the fewer people there were to cause problems. Al just had to know the problems to avoid, was the thing.  
  
"I'm sorry, Al... I should've said... The circles taste gritty... like sand." Ed tried his best to explain. It was weird, and made his mouth feel funny and his eyes feel gritty too. He hoped Al would just trust him on it, though. It had been hard enough trying to explain the flavors, and now he had textures too. It was strange, he knew, but he hoped Al would understand that he didn't really get it any better.  
  
Al looked at his older brother. Tasting... gritty? He supposed that it couldn't be too much stranger than colors tasting like other things. So he just nodded, and hoped that things would make more sense when they found out more about whatever it was his brother had that made him different. Al was sure they'd find it, someday. So he accepted it.  
  
"Okay. I'm sorry they taste gritty." It was the best Al could do. There was no way he could make the circles not have that effect on Ed. At least, not yet. But maybe they'd learn how. Or if not how, then a way to help Ed cope with it and explain it to people better. He hugged his brother, and they buried themselves back into research. Ed had said it was secondary now, but Al still thought it was the most important thing he could do. So he'd let Ed think he'd put it aside, and just keep looking on his own.

Ed was starting to think that maybe they needed a teacher. The concepts were just too far beyond them... He determined to look into it, and if they ever found a candidate, they would beg and plead and do whatever they needed in order to get some proper Alchemy training. He was very, very certain that he'd know better whether or not they could even try to go against the taboo once he knew more about chemistry and the finer details of Alchemy. The brothers set to studying with more determination in the meantime.


	4. The Flavor of Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Al have been taken on as apprentices by Izumi Curtis. They have a moment, alone, while she's in bed resting, to talk about what they're learning and how far they've come. Ed also comes to appreciate the combat skills that come with Izumi's unique brand of training. Surviving on the island was maybe the hardest thing they'd had to do yet, but it helped both boys realize some important things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I still don't own FMA. I will never own FMA. I will also never stop twisting the story to suit my brain.
> 
> Thank you all for the support! It's been so uplifting. I've been busy with work, so I haven't gotten chapters out as fast as I would have liked, but I'm going to keep working on this.

Ed lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling. It had been a long day for both him and Al. Ed was pretty sure that their new teacher was kind of crazy. Especially after leaving them on an island for a month! But they had survived that, and been properly accepted as students. Ed wasn't sure how much it was doing for Al, but he was learning a lot from Teacher. She might be crazy, but she was also brilliant. He was pretty sure that being crazy actually helped her somehow, though he hadn't figured it out yet.

She was always telling them that they shouldn't rely on Alchemy for everything, and Ed was pretty sure he saw the sense in that. And he had learned so much more about Alchemy circles and why they worked. He'd learned to read the runes and symbols that made more complex circles much better, and at the very least he could understand the ones from the old man's books a lot better. It was looking more and more like bringing Mom back wasn't going to be a good idea. Part of him wanted to try, still. Especially since he knew so much more. Surely he could make it work? But then... A lot of people had probably tried, and they didn't make it work either. He didn't know anyone that had made it work, or at least he didn't think he did.

For a very brief moment, Edward wished that he could talk to their old man, and ask. Since Hoenheim had owned the books, maybe he could tell him what to watch out for? But then he remembered that asking meant that he'd have to actually find Hoenheim, and that left a sour taste in his mouth. Like the worst of the shades of pink he could think of. Maybe Al could forgive their father, but Ed wasn't sure he ever could. Al didn't have any memories of Hoenheim leaving them and the way Mom cried after. He'd been too little, and Ed hadn't wanted to talk about it.

Ed shifted slightly, looking over at his brother. Alphonse was asleep, but Ed's brain wouldn't shut up. He kept thinking about everything. He didn't want to take away Al's hope. Al was counting on him to figure out how to perform this transmutation. Ed was afraid that it would take too much from them, that they couldn't give anything in exchange. He had an idea, but he was pretty sure that it was wrong. He didn't think their blood was enough to bring her back... no matter how good of a blueprint it might be.  
  
After a bit, Al woke again. He hadn't been deeply asleep, and Ed staring at him had caused him to stir. He wondered what his brother was thinking about. Al trusted Ed to do what was right for them. Ed was brilliant, and Al could only hope to try to match him. Sometimes, he wished that he could see things like his brother. Maybe that would make things easier to understand. But he couldn't, and it made him so mad that other people would hurt his brother for something he couldn't help. All he wanted was the answers to their questions... and Mom back. Though Al was still unsure if they would ever manage to get her back.

The brothers looked at each other, simply quiet for the moment. Often, they weren't sure who else was up. But it ought to be safe enough tonight to talk about things, if they kept quiet. Hopefully Teacher wouldn't hear and come in to yell at them. She'd done that, once or twice, for some things. Mostly for them trying to study when they should've been sleeping. She didn't approve of them not getting enough sleep.

Ed grinned faintly at his brother. He was pretty sure that they'd be okay tonight. He didn't like it when Teacher threw up blood, but he didn't know enough to try to help her yet, either. Still, maybe someday... He thought medical Alchemy was neat, but it was really close to the taboo of Human Alchemy, and so it wasn't popular to study. A lot of doctors still did things the old fashioned way, and a lot of people looked down on medical Alchemists. He hoped he could learn more, maybe he could help Teacher and make a medicine for people like Mom.  
  
Al grinned back. He started talking softly about what they'd learned, going through it helping him remember it more easily. He didn't really need Ed to respond, but it did help him feel much better when his brother did. They chatted back and forth a little bit about things. Mostly it was about what they learned, but a bit about dinner and their combat training. Al didn't really like the combat training, but he did like doing well and it did seem to help a lot. Besides, a lot of what they were learning right now was self-defense, which was awesome. If he didn't have to hurt people, he didn't want to.

After a bit, Ed frowned. "Hey, Al... d'you think this is still a good idea? Everything we're finding says it's not..." Ed didn't want to disappoint Al, but he was worried about it. This could really, really backfire. If they did this, there would be no going back. He wasn't sure what would happen to them, but he was pretty sure it wasn't going to be very good at all. He was half-hoping that Al would talk him out of it. Maybe they could turn their eyes more toward healing people and making medicines. That would be more useful, and he felt like Mom would've liked it more.

Al thought a long moment about Ed's question. Was this a good idea? It had been Ed's idea, and Ed rarely had bad ideas... but when he did, they were usually spectacular. Al hummed softly to let his brother know he was thinking about it instead of just ignoring the question. He knew Ed did better if he could hear confirmation that he'd been heard. He could feel Ed's eyes on him, not pushing but waiting patiently. It still made him feel a little bit rushed.  
  
"Um... Well... maybe. I mean... I don't think Mom would feel very good about us breaking a rule this big. And... Honestly, I'm kinda scared of it. I want Mom back, but I think everyone who loses someone wants them back. I think Mom would rather we learn how to move on, instead of clinging to her." Al's voice was soft, and small. He always got nervous when telling the truth. Especially since Ed's temper could be kind of explosive. But Ed wouldn't have asked if he didn't want to hear what Al had to say. So he was pretty sure he wasn't about to be yelled at. He hoped.

Ed processed that. He was pretty sure Al was right, and was glad they were both feeling like it was a bad idea. He was relieved that Al told him how he really felt. He felt it might be time to turn their research to another branch. They'd skirt the laws instead of breaking them, and learn about how to make medicines and heal broken bones. That was absolutely better Alchemy than what they had been planning. He felt better about it, too.  
  
"Okay. Thanks, Al... Maybe... we can look at medicine instead. So no one else has to lose someone the way we lost Mom. I bet if there had been medicine that she could've taken, she could've gotten better." Ed made his voice firm. Al would know he'd wavered, but that didn't mean he needed to let it show in his voice. Besides, the words in the medical journals might not always taste the best, but they tasted better than the awful purple-pink-red Alchemy. That stuff was wrong, and gritty, and gross. Medical alchemy at least was shades of yellow and green, which wasn't nearly as bad. Strange, but not as bad. Sometimes it was even pleasant.

"I'd like that, Ed... A lot. I feel like... even if we did figure it out, we might hurt Mom. I'd hate to hurt her again." Al yawned, relieved that Ed seemed to want to move on. It meant he could spend more time looking for whatever it was Ed had. They still hadn't met anyone else that they knew of who had it. He thought maybe sometimes their Teacher might understand, but they'd been hiding what Ed had for so long that neither of them really wanted to bring it up.

"Yeah... me too, Al." Ed gave a soft sigh, letting himself relax and start to fall asleep. "We should sleep... Teacher will have us up early in the morning, even if she was sick earlier... she never lets us skip out on training if she can help it." He curled up, relieved to let go of the horrible tasting circles in his head. They filled him with a sense of dread that was more than a dislike of the taste of milk in the back of his throat and the feel of having been eating sand in his mouth. They'd find another path to take, one that wouldn't cause such a terrible toll.  
  
As they both fell asleep, they dreamed of making the world a better place. Of ending the kind of suffering their mother had endured, and helping people. If Ed's dreams edged on nightmares, he didn't speak of it in the morning. If Al's did the same, neither did he. The brothers pushed forward, still learning what they needed about the human body. But now they had a new goal in mind, and hopefully those bad dreams would fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, so... The boys have sort of hijacked my plot. By a lot. Apparently Ed, able to taste the alchemy, has a better sense of this being a bad idea. This took me a while to get out because they just didn't want to go through with the story. We're in Wild AU territory here. I'll find another way for Ed to end up with automail, though. Because he's just not Ed without it!


End file.
